Late last week, I wrote about our neighborhood tribe.

That’s not our only tribe.

We are grateful to have multiple tribes.

I was reminded of that last night as we gathered at some newer friend’s home. They have an open invitation every Monday evening at their home for dinner.

No need to RSVP.

Simply show up, eat and hang out and leave whenever you need to. There is a 30 second thought that gets shared from the scriptures. PERFECT. This tribe is an important part of our schedule so far this fall – and we LOVE IT!

It’s a great, and increasingly diverse tribe. A tribe that includes people (and foster kids!) from all walks of life.

We also have our extended family tribe. We ain’t perfect, but we do love being together. And, man, do we have each other’s backs. So grateful for the Tessmann’s and the Eastway’s!

Another tribe that is important to us in our church tribe at City Life. We spent some time with a wonderful couple this past Sunday, and love serving with and listening to the people in this tribe. We have learned so much about the plight of the homeless, immigrants, and people (like us!) with real challenges.

I dare you to click on the link above and read the dream statements of our church tribe.

Tribes are important.

Who are you learning from this week?

Who are you engaging with that you might not normally?

Who are you asking to help parent your kids?

Who are you giving to this week?

Receiving from?

May we all dive deep into our tribes and work hard to merge them!

KE

We have a group of friends. OUR TRIBE.

It’s a rare group.

We all (well, almost all besides the one family that we LOVE DEARLY) have lived within 12 houses or so of each other for the last 3 years.

A couple of them have moved away. But they are still a piece of US and still make the trek to our little neighborhood to join us.

Every three weeks, we hire two very brave babysitters to wrangle the littles (@ one house) while the mommies and daddies have dinner (@ another house. DUH.)

The kids have a hoot. They really love being together. In the way that little kids do. Eating hot dogs and mac’n’cheese and getting super sweaty running around together.

Every now and then they bicker and fight. (OK. That’s mostly our kids…) But they are good little buddies.

The parents share a great meal, and the host family brings a question for conversation.

It ends up being beautiful, funny and poignant in so many ways. A real sense of sharing life – the ugly, pretty and all of it in between.

My parents had (and still have – Dave/Ruth, Mike/Marty, Jim/Betsy) a group of friends like this when I was a kid.

I noticed that. I got a glimpse of that value as a small child. And now we are experiencing it as adults.

The importance of a tribe of people is vital. To a family, to a friendship, to a neighborhood.

Who is your tribe? Who asks you the tough questions? Who loves you and your kids no matter what?

If you do not have any answers to those questions…

Won’t you be our neighbors?

KE

It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood, A beautiful day for a neighbor. Would you be mine? Could you be mine?…It’s a neighborly day in this beauty wood, A neighborly day for a beauty. Would you be mine? Could you be mine?… I’ve always wanted to have a neighbor just like you. I’ve always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you. So, let’s make the most of this beautiful day. Since we’re together we might as well say: Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won’t you be my neighbor? Won’t you please, Won’t you please? Please won’t you be my neighbor?

“When is it ripe?”

“Can we cut it open?”

“I want to eat it NOW!”

“When can we enjoy it?”

“Why is it taking so long?”

“It’s still sour?”

“When will it be sweet?”

Watermelons are a conundrum to the littles boys in our house – and to the adults too.

You see, ya never know when a watermelon is ready or ripe.

It sits there on the counter top staring are you: “I dare you to slice me open. You might enjoy it or regret it.”

When is the right time to (___________________) ?

When will we be ready to (___________________) ?

Do you think we can afford to (___________________) ?

I really wish that (___________________) would slow down.

Golly, what can’t (___________________) just happen faster?

You never know what life is going to be like until you slice it open.

It might be sour.

It might be sweet.

It might be too soon. Or too fast.

Probably a little bit of all of those things.

Go ahead. Slice that life of yours right open.

Therein lies the mystery and adventure that we all crave.

KE

PS – I’ve heard that a watermelon is ripe when you can push in the belly button (where the stem was) and it’s soft. Why did it take me 39 years to hear this?!?

Pulling into the drop off line this morning at kindergarten.

Feels like pulling into the pits at the Indy 500.

Bumper to bumper. Fast. Furiously paced. Get ’em in and get ’em out type of frantic madness.

Teachers directing traffic with waving arms.

And the voice of the tallest kindergartener (TK) in the back seat says:

“Daddy? I’m scared.”

ME – “I get scared sometimes too buddy.”

TK – “What are you scared of dad?”

ME – “People not liking me. Failing at my job. Lots of other things too.”

TK – “Yeah – but your job only has like 4 people in it. The sidewalk has about a billion kids on it and I don’t know any of them.”

We both laugh. Kinda nervously.

So I suggest, that instead of walking slowing into the building with his head down, he runs to find someone he does know in the crowd of bustling kids.

TK – “That’s a good idea dad.”

And then a miracle happens – He actually does it! Listens to me! Follows my direction!

PROOF THAT THERE IS A GOD. SERIOUSLY.

The Traffic Teacher gives me an airport-security-type-stern-look that says “Pull away from the curb sir. You’re holding up the line and the vitally important kindergarten start time…”

I pull away from the curb and get a glimpse of TK running and finding a kid that he knows.

He glances back with a smile.

And all is right in this little world of ours.

Being scared does weird things to us.

We shuffle our feet in fear, we focus on the cracks in the sidewalk instead of what’s up ahead and the potential that lies therein.

We isolate ourselves in the throngs of people around us – people who are fun, care about us deeply and want to share life with us.

All because we let fear overwhelm us.

May we run today! May we face the fear with eyes lifted high and our focus on the One who casts out fear in perfect love.

May fear never dictate our lives and keep our heads hung low.

Run! Eyes UP TK! There is a whole world full of joy and experiences ahead of you.

Sure – there will be bumps on that sidewalk. But you need to know that you will never have to go at it alone.

KE

Ran into a friend at a coffee shop last week.

They asked me how I was doing.

I wanted to lie to save face.

“Sad” I said.

My friend was not startled by this.

They listened (I had tears in my eyes from the sadness when, suddenly, they were sitting across from me at my table in the coffee shop).

I am realizing that I am sad about our older boy growing up. He’s only in kindergarten, but it’s been really hard on me.

I know… get some guts… other people have REAL things to be sad about Kevin. Like racism and hurricanes. (I’m sad about those things too. BIG TIME.)

I know – Every kid and parent goes through this season…

Get it together man – it’s no big deal. 

Those are the two lies I tell myself. Those are my sadnesses. To me, it is really real.

I’m sad that he has to navigate this world M-F from 7:55am-3:10pm without his mom or dad. (He’s doing wonderful at this by the way.)

I’m sad that he’s so tall that he barely fits on my lap anymore. (But… he can reach the top shelf of the fridge and get his own dang cup of milk now.)

So – what to do with the sadness?

Let it be sad… grieve some… cherish the memories… and..

SLOWLY Learn to Let Go.

Letting go is REAL tough. I tell myself that I want control over all of these things…

But really I don’t.

I want to learn to trust God more – and to let him into the sadness in a real and comforting way.

I’m learning that being vulnerable (even with sadness) is a good thing. It allows me to be me, and hopefully gives license to those around me to do the same.

That big boy of ours (the Tallest kid in 100 kindergarteners in his school) is going to be just fine… he’ll navigate the change with his wonderful teacher, and with us in the evenings and weekends…

I’ll be sad – maybe for longer than I’d like to admit… but I’ll be fine too. I’ve got tons to learn about this being a daddy thing, but I’m willing to let it shape me. I think.

Phew – there it is. Off my chest.

May we all dive deep into the sadness – meeting it head on and in vulnerability. May it shape us as we learn to let Go each day and trust Something/One mightier than ourselves.

KE

Ever given someone the last cookie?

Sometimes it comes with a twinge of regret.

Man… I really like those cookies and could have really enjoyed having one more…

Then you notice the face of the receiver. The look in their eyes when they notice that you are giving them the last cookie.

The “Wow! Really? I can have the last cookie? You mean that you aren’t going to eat it just because you are bigger than me, paid for all of the ingredients and burned your hand on the cookie sheet just to make them?”

They take the first bite of the last cookie, close their eyes and enjoy every last morsel.

But then, if you pay close enough attention, something happens to you too.

It isn’t happening on your taste buds or in your tummy.

It’s happening in your soul.

Satisfaction.

Thankfulness.

JOY.

There really is Joy in giving. Whether it is cookies, time, expertise, money or hugs. Joy is a real possibility of giving.

May we not hold too tightly to the last cookies, to our things or to our ‘first fruits.’

May we give. And find that deep seeded JOY that oftentimes hold hands with GIVING.

KE

Giving is known as a noble virtue.

Or is it part of our innate nature?

Why do people give away so much of themselves? And other people give away so little?

What is our motivation as humans to give?

It seems that there may be something in us that spurs us on to be givers.

Our kids can be very self centered. And also surprisingly giving.

“Here – you can have the last cookie”

WHAT?

No five year old in their right minds does THAT.

Yet, he does, every now and then…

I’ve just finished reading Giving and Getting in the Kingdom by R. Mark Dillon for the D.Min project.

Here are some thoughts from Dillon that have me thinking about giving:

If our Creator’s very nature is to give, demonstrated and given to the world through Christ, we have both an “explanation and an imperative for giving in the kingdom.”

As a result, within the kingdom, giving away time and resources is a grateful response to God’s indescribable gift in Christ.

1 Peter 4:10 reiterates this virtue, noting that “each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”

For anyone, giving back is a human impulse or a noble gesture.

In the kingdom, there is a divine obligation for those who have been recipients of God’s grace in Christ “to give away time, talent and treasure: to the poor, to widows and orphans, to Christ’s Church, and to every conceivable person or program that advances His eternal kingdom.”

Dillon notes that “giving is a privilege granted to citizens of the kingdom when we notice the lavish gift that Christ has given us, we respond with with thankfulness and generosity.”

God in us allows us to be givers.

God in us spurs us on to give. Even when it seems insane. Like giving our little brother the last cookie.

God’s nature explains our growing and innate desire to give.

Oh – and the outcome is JOY! 

Let’s explore that in another blog…

KE

That’s the message that flashed across my phone about 50 times after installing the “updated iOS” last night.

Frustrated is an understatement. Let’s just say that is was a good thing the kids were in bed and didn’t hear the words that came out of my mouth. A lot of those types of words…

These “Unknown Error” messages do not offer any help to rectify the situation.

At all. As a matter of fact – it makes me think: “I’ll just stick with the old system next time.”

Unknown errors trip us up, waste our time and can be incredible frustrating to us (and others). Thankfully my wife was very patient and relayed numerous “verification codes” that were sent to her phone…

Most of our “unknown errors” don’t flash across the screens of our lives. We don’t even noticed them.

But OTHERS do.

We all have blindspots that trip us up. Unknown errors that keep us from moving forward.

We tend to stick with the old systems, the old ways of thinking, the old structures. Sometimes without even being aware of the possibilities that lie ahead.

What if we made other choices?  To think through those structures, those old ways and allowed others to give sight to our blindspots? To our own unknown errors?

It seems like the best way FORWARD.

To give people a VOICE in our lives. To listen and value the insight they have into our lives, our families, our mission or business, and our souls.

May the frequency of unknown errors diminish in each of our lives from this point forward!

KE

But, WOW. Do I feel this thing. OFTEN.

My mind whirls, clunks, turns, cranks. I believe things in my head that have a disconnect from my heart (AKA SOUL) and from my behavior.

I’ve been told that I take good care of others. There is a disconnect between that and my lack of self care.

Fortunately, I have a gracious and encouraging spouse. As well as friends and family who on my my side.

A work in progress – for sure.

Alright – let’s shift gears. With all of the dissonance in my brain… I still see a connection here…

I’m reading am incredible book for the D.Min project by Kerry Alys Robinson.

Imagining Abundance

Robinson notes that a theological ambivalence towards money is one of the major obstacles to viewing fundraising as ministry.

Is money holy or sinful? Is wealth neutral and is what feels sinful about it is connected to how it is obtained? Or maybe it is the degree to which we are attached to money that makes us feel uncomfortable? Is how we utilize money that makes it feel holy or sinful?

As a result of these unanswered questions, we tend to not develop a robust theology around money.

She notes that being aware of this is a crucial first step to “mitigating the cognitive dissonance one would otherwise bring to the task of religious fundraising.”

Christian fundraisers feel this cognitive dissonance on a regular basis as we breach a subject that tends to be taboo: money. How do we talk about it? Is it a private matter? A communal matter? What does God ask us to do with our money? We often have little answers in our training as fundraisers, and it makes us feel like we may be operating a slick salespeople, or simply trying to “get all we can” from our friends as we fundraise in our mission.

This feeling is disgusting and drives people to leave our mission and many other missions around the world.

We hear often “I would love my job if it wasn’t for the fundraising.”

This harmful theological ambivalence towards money informs this cognitive dissonance as Robinson so insightfully notes.

There has GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY TO APPROACH THIS.

So this is the thing I have learned this week on a personal (self care) and professional (Young Life) level:

The Inner Life of a human being is paramount to fighting cognitive dissonance.

More on that very soon. Right here on this there blog. Probably next week.

– Kevin Eastway

NOTE: I’m not sure how to footnote on this blog. If you’d like the footnotes to these thoughts, I’d be happy to email you my paper 🙂

I’ve learned a bunch about asking over the last week (years).

Asking others for something can be really difficult for those of us who come from immigrant families. (My grandparents on my mom’s side came to the US during WWII – fleeing the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands.)

We are scrappy, make our own way and our grandparents and parents know how to make something out of basically nothing.

So, we tend not to ask when we find ourselves in need.

Asking can be really difficult for the hard working mid-westerner brain of mine as well.

“I can work harder. Sleep less. I can do this all on my own.” These words can be a constant reel of self-talk that rambles through my brain.

It doesn’t work.

Here is my conclusion: Asking is all about freedom.

Knowing that we are free to ask God for anything through prayer.

Free to know that we can ask others to join us, knowing that it may very well be good for their lives.

If our security is in God, we are free to ask for donations, for help, for people’s time and wisdom, and to ask others to invest what they have in the work of God and in our very lives.

We are free to receive the “yes” and free to gratefully respond to the “no” from any of our friends.

We are free to trust God who is guiding us.

This freedom leads to confidence in God, in our vision and in our invitation for others to join us in Kingdom building endeavors.

So – JUST ASK.

It’s my new mantra.

Kevin